I recall an incident where I declined a request- I did this jokingly, just to tease for a little while- I was indifferent about the request, but I was scared of rejection, I didn’t want to be hated. Surprisingly, he appeared unbothered about my refusal and said “I respect your decision”. I felt good and in control.
We’re all people-pleasers, we’re scared of being rejected, we want to feel loved and wanted. No one wants to be disapproved. This is natural but the problem lies in trying to please Everyone.
The desire to feel loved and wanted by everyone puts us in a position where what we want and will make us happy doesn’t matter. It just has to be about satisfying everyone else.
But then, how do you feel pleasing everyone you come across with? It’s nothing different from placing other people in control of your life.
The truth? It sickens. You’re the one who never says NO, you’re the one who will say what everyone wants to hear. The fear of rejection can be attributed to this, but don’t you think pleasing everyone would make these same people term you a pretender or not trustworthy?
Why should you quit trying to please everyone?
You lose friends.
No one wants to be associated with a person who lacks a mind of his or her own. It might seem like they love the way you please them, but that only happens when they need you on their side at that time.
You lose your friends when you try to please them all by not being yourself. They stop telling you things because you will end up saying things you think they want to hear and not what you know it is.
You become manipulative
By the time people around you know this weakness of yours, they tend to use it against you by making continuous requests. You wouldn’t say no anyway, so they get whatever they want from you.
No one wants to confide in you
Regardless of how much people would want to be justified for what they have done or what they think, a larger amount of people would want the truth.
Now, how can they confide in someone that wouldn’t speak the truth due to the fear of being hated? They’d rather confide in someone that would always counter them, as long as the truth is an active element.
No one trusts you
This is in line with the previous point. No one trusts you when you are incapable of pleasing YOURSELF. Agreeing with what everyone says makes you a liar, doing what everyone asks of you makes you unreal. It might seem like you have their interest at heart, but no one trusts people who hid their true feelings.
“Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns”- Tehyi Hsieh
You become less confident
In the course of pleasing everyone, you become less confident. You hid your feelings and what you think and so, you have no morale to speak what you have in mind. You see why trying to please everyone sickens?
You chase away self-love
You end up not loving yourself, since you’ve decided to place every other person above you. You want every other person to love you and then you put on the people-pleasing attitude, and when this doesn’t go well, you hate yourself and feel less important.
You can’t please everyone
This should have been the first point. You can’t please everyone, not at all. Even if it seems like you are, but in the end, no one likes you, so what’s the point?
You end up not pleasing the one that matters(Yourself)
You’re the most important person in your life. Please yourself, do what makes you happy, say what you have in mind. Be known for the truth, scold when you need to, doing these will command respect from people, people you don’t even know.
The biggest failure in life is trying to please everyone. Be the real you, that’s what the world needs. One truth is everyone cannot like you, so there’s no point really.
Let me know what you think, please 🙂 Thanks for reading.